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I’ve been experiencing a bit of a mind-fuck with social media and blog posts of late, where I enjoy the process of writing IMMENSELY, not knowing where I’ll end up when I start; but often unconsciously creating an arc—because the act of writing changes me. I am different when I finish than when I started. And then, I am so EXCITED to share what I’ve … Continue reading Twinkly-Eyed Mischief
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It has come to my attention that my post, “Zen and the Art of Auditions,” did not sit well with a few of you. Specifically, at least a few of my colleagues in Montreal. I’m feeling conflicted about this, because on one hand, I don’t love the feeling that I’ve pissed people off. I always try my absolute best to write with honesty, integrity, compassion, … Continue reading The Solution (to the Problem with Auditions)
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I know I talk a big talk of having things generally figured out, of preaching from a soap box about how wonderful life is when you learn to love yourself… but I’m a cranky piece of shit this morning. And this does happen often, I just don’t tend to think to write about it. I am crouched over my laptop in the spare bedroom (Ben’s … Continue reading When the Kid inside of you Takes Over
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Dear friends, I am writing to you from the other side. I have climbed up the giant A, admired the view from the top, and am now on the blissful descent back into freedom. Yesterday, I took my 10th, and dare I say, final, audition for the Montreal Symphony. I went into it with one simple, albeit radical goal, when you consider the messaging that … Continue reading Zen and the Art of Auditions
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Ever since I decided to take the audition, I’ve been having recurring nightmares. Can’t find my violin 2 minutes before a concert where I’ve been hired to play 1st and 2nd violin simultaneously; showing up to the audition and realizing I’ve forgotten to actually practice for it; and just a general sense of being places I don’t really wanna be, around people (or in one … Continue reading Ice, Grief, and a Crippling Fear of Financial Insecurity
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Last week, I was in the middle of a warm, luxurious writing session at my boyfriend’s place in the Vermont countryside, when I got a call from my mom. “Are you going to take the audition?” Her question crept into my neck and shoulders like the first winter freeze, tightening everything that was soft just a moment ago. Are!You!Going!To!Take!The!AUDITION????? Every word an air-borne brick, assaulting … Continue reading The Trouble With Auditions, part 2
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As I write, 5 years ago today, I went on my first date with ____. I remember, because I got him a framed “Night Sky” print from the night we met (October 18, 2018) for Christmas that year. Pulled directly from The Night Sky’s website: “The Night Sky is a custom star map of the night your heart skipped a beat. Was it your first … Continue reading My Last Unhealthy Relationship
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I was aware of Viv when I first started subbing with the Montreal Symphony in 2013, her being the only female trombone player in an otherwise pretty testosterone-heavy brass section; but we didn’t officially become friends until several months later. On my first tour in March 2014 to Europe, I still felt kindof like an outsider in the orchestra. And so, in an attempt to … Continue reading Viv
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Meerrrrrgghhh here is the first sentence of my blog post!!!!! Man it’s hard to get going sometimes. Especially when you’ve chosen to write in a coffee shop, instead of at home where it’s ACTUALLY QUIET and the only person who is going to park their ass in the chair right next to you even though there are PLENTY OF OTHER EMPTY CHAIRS is your chonky-ass … Continue reading shut up, please
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I’m not depressed. I don’t have PMDD. I don’t have hypo-thyroidism. HypER-thyroidism?!! Google the symptoms. Do YOU have hypo-thyroidism?? Are you feeling tired, depressed, sensitive to cold, ConSTiPATED?!?!?!? *waits as you squeeze out a turd so tiny it doesn’t disrupt the toilet water* Ah, you probably don’t have it. Apparently 75% of the people going into my doctor with the above symptoms in the last … Continue reading An Extremely Low Tolerance for Bullshit
DeRollerCoaster 