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Meerrrrrgghhh here is the first sentence of my blog post!!!!! Man it’s hard to get going sometimes. Especially when you’ve chosen to write in a coffee shop, instead of at home where it’s ACTUALLY QUIET and the only person who is going to park their ass in the chair right next to you even though there are PLENTY OF OTHER EMPTY CHAIRS is your chonky-ass … Continue reading shut up, please
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I’m not depressed. I don’t have PMDD. I don’t have hypo-thyroidism. HypER-thyroidism?!! Google the symptoms. Do YOU have hypo-thyroidism?? Are you feeling tired, depressed, sensitive to cold, ConSTiPATED?!?!?!? *waits as you squeeze out a turd so tiny it doesn’t disrupt the toilet water* Ah, you probably don’t have it. Apparently 75% of the people going into my doctor with the above symptoms in the last … Continue reading An Extremely Low Tolerance for Bullshit
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It’s June 24, a holiday in Quebec, and the weather is perfect. The sun is out, shining obnoxiously, as a light breeze blows all the white fuzzies from some dumb giant tree in my backyard straight into my naked eyeballs. At least, that’s what it would be doing if I felt like leaving my house. To be fair, I’m recovering from a cold, and all … Continue reading The Terrifying Joy of Saying NO to Money
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I fell off my creative horse about 6 weeks ago, oh, around the time I started writing a grant for the next stage of my solo show, “You’re Not Alone.” I wonder what my horse’s name is. Sandy?! Anyway, what is it about grant writing that just completely CRUSHES creativity?! I think something goes on where if you talk and talk and talk about something … Continue reading The Never Ending Solo Show
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“How do you know when it’s time to go on antidepressants?” I found myself typing into google the other day. I’ve been hearing about people going on them more and more—dear friends, partners of friends, “half my mom’s orchestra,” and pretty much every one of my pandemic podcast mentors: Sarah Silverman, Glennon Doyle; Martha Beck and her Partner Rowan Mangan in their AMAZING podcast “Bewildered.” … Continue reading To Pill, or Not to Pill
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The last few weeks, I have been locked away in my freezing cold apartment, “working on my creative projects.” Aka, feeling significantly depressed and doing anything and everything I could, to AVOID said project. I was supposed to be doing a creative residency at the Banff Centre for the Arts this month, to write the music for my first solo show: “You’re Not Alone: Music … Continue reading The Real Reason We Are All Exhausted
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You hear Ginuwine’s “Pony” playing in the background, as three rich-white-girls-you-love-to-hate stand dissecting their gorgeous faces in the bathroom mirror, picking out the tiniest flaws. “Ugh I hate what my stylist did to my hair. Curls make my face look so fat,” one of them says. “What? I love your curls. At least you don’t have freckles!” And then from the stalls behind them erupts a GEYSER OF FECAL MATTER, splashing all over their designer dresses and onto the mirrors. They all have freckles now. Continue reading A Crime at the Prom
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The other day, I paid an extra $49 to have this mammoth sit/stand desk delivered from IKEA to my door-step, and I spent all evening putting it together. Until… I got to the point where the hieroglyphic instructions show TWO PEOPLE smiling as they breezily lift the desk up from opposite ends and flip it over. I bet they put this stupid desk together in … Continue reading On Being Selfish
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I am at that point in my audition prep where I’m in a terrifying race against my body—trying to squeeze in enough osteo and massage therapy and physio appointments; and ingesting enough teas and…calming medicinal substances…to off-set the hours of practice that are making my left-shoulder hang stubbornly 5 inches lower than my right; my ring and pinkie fingers on both hands go completely numb, … Continue reading The Final Stretch
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For decades, we have been telling ourselves that we need to be perfect if we want to satisfy our audiences. But AUDIENCES DON’T WANT PERFECTION. They want to see themselves reflected on stage. They want humanity. Continue reading How to Fill Up your Concert Halls
DeRollerCoaster 