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The Trouble With Auditions, part 2
Last week, I was in the middle of a warm, luxurious writing session at my boyfriend’s place in the Vermont countryside, when I got a call from my mom. “Are you going to take the audition?” Her question crept into my neck and shoulders like the first winter freeze, tightening everything that was soft just a moment ago. Are!You!Going!To!Take!The!AUDITION????? Every word an air-borne brick, assaulting … Continue reading The Trouble With Auditions, part 2
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My Last Unhealthy Relationship
As I write, 5 years ago today, I went on my first date with ____. I remember, because I got him a framed “Night Sky” print from the night we met (October 18, 2018) for Christmas that year. Pulled directly from The Night Sky’s website: “The Night Sky is a custom star map of the night your heart skipped a beat. Was it your first … Continue reading My Last Unhealthy Relationship
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Viv
I was aware of Viv when I first started subbing with the Montreal Symphony in 2013, her being the only female trombone player in an otherwise pretty testosterone-heavy brass section; but we didn’t officially become friends until several months later. On my first tour in March 2014 to Europe, I still felt kindof like an outsider in the orchestra. And so, in an attempt to … Continue reading Viv
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shut up, please
Meerrrrrgghhh here is the first sentence of my blog post!!!!! Man it’s hard to get going sometimes. Especially when you’ve chosen to write in a coffee shop, instead of at home where it’s ACTUALLY QUIET and the only person who is going to park their ass in the chair right next to you even though there are PLENTY OF OTHER EMPTY CHAIRS is your chonky-ass … Continue reading shut up, please
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An Extremely Low Tolerance for Bullshit
I’m not depressed. I don’t have PMDD. I don’t have hypo-thyroidism. HypER-thyroidism?!! Google the symptoms. Do YOU have hypo-thyroidism?? Are you feeling tired, depressed, sensitive to cold, ConSTiPATED?!?!?!? *waits as you squeeze out a turd so tiny it doesn’t disrupt the toilet water* Ah, you probably don’t have it. Apparently 75% of the people going into my doctor with the above symptoms in the last … Continue reading An Extremely Low Tolerance for Bullshit
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The Terrifying Joy of Saying NO to Money
It’s June 24, a holiday in Quebec, and the weather is perfect. The sun is out, shining obnoxiously, as a light breeze blows all the white fuzzies from some dumb giant tree in my backyard straight into my naked eyeballs. At least, that’s what it would be doing if I felt like leaving my house. To be fair, I’m recovering from a cold, and all … Continue reading The Terrifying Joy of Saying NO to Money
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The Never Ending Solo Show
I fell off my creative horse about 6 weeks ago, oh, around the time I started writing a grant for the next stage of my solo show, “You’re Not Alone.” I wonder what my horse’s name is. Sandy?! Anyway, what is it about grant writing that just completely CRUSHES creativity?! I think something goes on where if you talk and talk and talk about something … Continue reading The Never Ending Solo Show
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To Pill, or Not to Pill
“How do you know when it’s time to go on antidepressants?” I found myself typing into google the other day. I’ve been hearing about people going on them more and more—dear friends, partners of friends, “half my mom’s orchestra,” and pretty much every one of my pandemic podcast mentors: Sarah Silverman, Glennon Doyle; Martha Beck and her Partner Rowan Mangan in their AMAZING podcast “Bewildered.” … Continue reading To Pill, or Not to Pill
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The Real Reason We Are All Exhausted
The last few weeks, I have been locked away in my freezing cold apartment, “working on my creative projects.” Aka, feeling significantly depressed and doing anything and everything I could, to AVOID said project. I was supposed to be doing a creative residency at the Banff Centre for the Arts this month, to write the music for my first solo show: “You’re Not Alone: Music … Continue reading The Real Reason We Are All Exhausted
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A Crime at the Prom
You hear Ginuwine’s “Pony” playing in the background, as three rich-white-girls-you-love-to-hate stand dissecting their gorgeous faces in the bathroom mirror, picking out the tiniest flaws. “Ugh I hate what my stylist did to my hair. Curls make my face look so fat,” one of them says. “What? I love your curls. At least you don’t have freckles!” And then from the stalls behind them erupts a GEYSER OF FECAL MATTER, splashing all over their designer dresses and onto the mirrors. They all have freckles now. Continue reading A Crime at the Prom
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On Being Selfish
The other day, I paid an extra $49 to have this mammoth sit/stand desk delivered from IKEA to my door-step, and I spent all evening putting it together. Until… I got to the point where the hieroglyphic instructions show TWO PEOPLE smiling as they breezily lift the desk up from opposite ends and flip it over. I bet they put this stupid desk together in … Continue reading On Being Selfish
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The Final Stretch
I am at that point in my audition prep where I’m in a terrifying race against my body—trying to squeeze in enough osteo and massage therapy and physio appointments; and ingesting enough teas and…calming medicinal substances…to off-set the hours of practice that are making my left-shoulder hang stubbornly 5 inches lower than my right; my ring and pinkie fingers on both hands go completely numb, … Continue reading The Final Stretch
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How to Fill Up your Concert Halls
For decades, we have been telling ourselves that we need to be perfect if we want to satisfy our audiences. But AUDIENCES DON’T WANT PERFECTION. They want to see themselves reflected on stage. They want humanity. Continue reading How to Fill Up your Concert Halls
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The Trouble with Auditions
I have wanted to play in a professional orchestra ever since I was 16 years old, when I played Don Juan in the first full-orchestra rehearsal of the 2002 National Youth Orchestra of Canada. I had watched my mom play viola in Symphony Nova Scotia since I was a baby, because she raised me by herself and often brought me to rehearsals, plunking me down … Continue reading The Trouble with Auditions
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Hey. I Love You.
As it turns out, writing a blog post every single day is definitely not sustainable—not in my world, not right now as I’m trying to work up my millionth violin audition for the Montreal Symphony—even if I tell myself each post can just be whatever I barf out in 30 minutes. Because what actually happens, is that by the time I start writing, I enjoy … Continue reading Hey. I Love You.
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I Hate Everything (one week a month)
I know it’s the week before my period when my favourite thing on earth—my beloved over-sized 3-year old kitten, George Michael, annoys the ABSOLUTE CRAP out of me. Unfortunately for him, the sound the creaky floorboards make in my new-old house as he innocently walks on them sounds just like the sound my couch makes when he is very deliberately destroying it. “STOP IT, GEORGE! … Continue reading I Hate Everything (one week a month)
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The Number One Rule in the People Pleaser Handbook
How can writing feel so natural, yet when a friend asks me to edit a piece of their writing, I have a mini panic-attack? I look at their words staring back at me from the page, unable to form any kindof coherent opinion—except for highlighting the parts I like. It’s almost like I’m blocking myself from having anything close to a negative thought, because the … Continue reading The Number One Rule in the People Pleaser Handbook
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A Big Caulk Job
I spent a good part of yesterday, one of the last few nice days of the year, inside caulking my windows. I’ve moved into a very old apartment, with those kind of giant windows that think they’re all romantic, opening like shutters that take up the whole room, and hemorrhaging cold air in the winter. Luckily, the previous tenant left me a big blue metal … Continue reading A Big Caulk Job
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Don’t Bring Tea to a Bluegrass Jam
If I drink 2 beers these days, I wake up with a hangover. I don’t normally drink that often, but lately I’ve been hopping out to a lot of social things, and they tend to go hand-in-hand with booze. Last night, I made some tea, put it in a thermos and threw it in my bag before biking to a bluegrass jam in a friends’ … Continue reading Don’t Bring Tea to a Bluegrass Jam
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Concert in a Bathtub
As much as I wanted to stay in last night as I was drifting to sleep at 6:30pm on a cold, dark, rainy, windy eve… I put on pants, left the house, got on the orange line, met my friend Scott on the Berri Uqam platform, traveled together on the green line to Homa, got off and walked up the empty street and into what … Continue reading Concert in a Bathtub
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Meal Train
I woke up at 5am this morning, and then couldn’t fall back to sleep because of a Meal Train. You know, those things that are started for someone going through a hard time- where people can sign up to bring over food every day for a set period of time, so this person can grieve or recover in peace, without having to worry about how … Continue reading Meal Train
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Perfectly Mediocre Post
Last night I was listening to an episode of Glennon Doyle’s podcast, where she was talking about how her whole writing career started. Her sister, Amanda, intuited that she was meant to be a writer, bought her a computer, and told her to write every day. So Glennon sat down every single morning, wrote down ALL of her thoughts, and EMAILED THEM TO HER FRIENDS. … Continue reading Perfectly Mediocre Post
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Single, Again
In the last 7 weeks, I’ve worked more than I have all 4672 months of the pandemic; I packed up my small over-priced apartment and moved into a larger, cheaper one where the landlord doesn’t try to make slimy “deals” like increasing the rent permanently for a fixed-cost paint job and then say things like “Glad I’m finally seeing your true colors, Lauren” when I … Continue reading Single, Again
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A Period of Dark Thoughts
***TRIGGER WARNING: Content about depression and suicidal thoughts, treated with humor and love*** Last week, as I was walking down St. Laurent in a “What even is Life” pandemic haze, it happened. I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be nice to just like, end my life and get away from all this misery?!” I know, alarm bells are going off for some of you, but … Continue reading A Period of Dark Thoughts
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How to Yell in Public
Yesterday I went to my nearest Montreal subway station, paid $3.00, then just sat on the platform screaming at trains. I’m one of THOSE people now. Continue reading How to Yell in Public
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My Beef with the New Year
2020 is the year that many people died suddenly and unfairly, but exponentially more people woke up and started living. Continue reading My Beef with the New Year
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The Restorative Power of Burning Things
Of course I’ve enjoyed many a fire before. I grew up right on a beach in rural redneck Nova Scotia where nightly summer bonfires were as inevitable as the attending drunks who would stumble into our yard to pee. But this wasn’t just any standard burning of rotten wood and Bud Light cartons, I was burning my creative demons. Continue reading The Restorative Power of Burning Things
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Does an Artist have to Art?
Sooo… it’s been a weee little while *cough* 4 months…since I’ve posted here- in this magical place I created in February 2019 where I can express anything and everything. Read: rants about horrible ex-boyfriends, and all my annoyingly preachy “advice” on how to live your best life- which I generally break within the week, because I’m HUMAN. I started off strong, posting two epic over-shares … Continue reading Does an Artist have to Art?
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From Neighbors to Barn Cats
No sooner than I can write one underwhelming sentence, I hear an abominable noise emitting from beneath the deck floor. It’s unsettling, deeply obnoxious, and from multiple sources… like a group of defunct chain smokers are transmitting their low raspy voices through a hospital full of crying babies. I see four scrappy figures come into the light of day and lurch purposefully up the stairs. Two dark grey and two splotchy white with dark stripes- all ribs and claws and mucousy eyes. Continue reading From Neighbors to Barn Cats
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Witches and Magicians
I recently started taking a solo sketch comedy class online, from a theatre in Toronto. Why not? With classes being offered online all over the world, all these opportunities are popping up that didn’t exist before social isolation. I considered taking improv classes from UCB that normally you’d have to live in NYC or LA to take, until I saw the prices. $400 USD on … Continue reading Witches and Magicians
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Strange Behaviors
I’ve been in isolation for 54 days now, and it feels like I live in my own universe. Here is just a sample of some of the thoughts that have crossed my mind during this crazy time… May this act as a record so it doesn’t all disappear like a dream when we’re back to checking our phones while packed like sardines on the bus … Continue reading Strange Behaviors
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The Artist’s Cray
I have been putting off writing a new blog post for weeks. WEEKS. Well, what’s the problem Lauren?! Don’t you literally have nothing but free time right now? Honestly it feels like I’ve been snatched up from Tokyo and barfed out straight into the desert. I’m surrounded by sand- literally NOTHING is holding me back from accomplishing all the creative projects I’ve ever dreamed of. … Continue reading The Artist’s Cray
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The Infinite Beauty of Losing your Mind
I stand facing the bathroom mirror, head of a fresh Venus ladies razor in hand detached from it’s body. I don’t know if this will work; I’ve never done it before. I angle it toward my neck, take a deep breath, and start cutting. Clumps of dirty blonde hair fall into the sink and onto my sheep-shaped bath mat, as my cat watches judgmentally. You’re … Continue reading The Infinite Beauty of Losing your Mind
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Avoiding the Quarantine Crazies
Okay. So we are all starting to get used to this new, slower pace of life. But that doesn’t mean it’s getting easier. Sometimes I’ll think I’m actually starting to enjoy all this time to myself to relax and work on whatever project my heart desires, then within hours, I’m spiraling into a lonely self-pitying anxiety funk. I know I’m not alone in this, but … Continue reading Avoiding the Quarantine Crazies
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I left my Heart in Paris and my Appendix in Berlin
Last year in early March, I was so stressed out from working up a high-stakes violin audition, living with a (now ex) boyfriend who was incapable of love, and getting bombarded by walls of anxiety texts from friends looking for advice or validation; that I downloaded an app that literally kicks you off your phone and MAKES YOU PAY to get back on. It’s called … Continue reading I left my Heart in Paris and my Appendix in Berlin
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Death to the Internet
It’s March 15, 2020 and the world is in lock down. A few days ago, when EVERYTHING was cancelled for the foreseeable future, my first reaction was Cool! A chance to slow down, get creative, connect with those around me on a deep level and start thinking about how to grow as a society. Well, after a minor panic at losing all my income as … Continue reading Death to the Internet
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Music for a Funeral
Yesterday for the first time in years, I played violin at a funeral. I hesitated when I was asked to do the gig a few days ago, by a dear colleague for a death in his family; because of the horrible travel time to pay ratio on a precious Saturday off, yes, but also… I cry when other people cry. I used to tease my … Continue reading Music for a Funeral
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How to be Sick and Single
Despite getting the flu shot a month or so ago when I thought for a hot second that it would make me immune to coronavirus, I came down with a nasty cold this week. Most people have the luxury of taking a few days off of work when they’re sick, but I’m a freelance musician! So you better believe I’m marching that cold into work … Continue reading How to be Sick and Single
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Two Words
Last night, a cartoon about kids going through puberty made me download a dating app. I’ve been single for 4 months, and have the intent of staying that way for quite a while longer or at least until I can iron out why I seem to be drawn to men who are possessed by the black goo from “Stranger Things;” but something about watching teens … Continue reading Two Words
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My Worst Recordings Ever, Episode 1
As a professional classical violinist, I have spent a lot of time recording myself. You need high quality demos for summer music festivals, scholarship and grant applications, university auditions, and orchestral auditions; and honestly I’d rather sit in the middle seat on a flight to China surrounded by babies. You have not seen me at my worst until you’ve witnessed me during a recording session. … Continue reading My Worst Recordings Ever, Episode 1
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For the Love of Rats
This little writing corner is my favourite spot in my long skinny apartment. I call my place the “rat maze” because contrary to the trendy “open concept,” it’s a series of little nooks and crannies, all wonderfully compartmentalized for an introvert who loves to nest. Every room is it’s own little universe, full of soft things and hidey-holes and materials to nudge me into creativity … Continue reading For the Love of Rats
DeRollerCoaster 