The Artist’s Cray

I have been putting off writing a new blog post for weeks. WEEKS. Well, what’s the problem Lauren?! Don’t you literally have nothing but free time right now? Honestly it feels like I’ve been snatched up from Tokyo and barfed out straight into the desert. I’m surrounded by sand- literally NOTHING is holding me back from accomplishing all the creative projects I’ve ever dreamed of. Ugh but sand is so BORING. I want some obstacles?! Those are what make it feel like I’m choosing to do my art. Can I just go to Victoria or something?!

With nothing but freedom to do whatever I want, suddenly all these artsy things feel like chores. There’s nothing to balance it all out, no work to hype the play. To add to the craziness, I’m doing The Artist’s Way program by Julia Cameron, and I’m in week 4. Media deprivation week. Cooooool. So on top of being jobless until September 2020 at the EARLIEST, living alone and confined to my apartment except for tri-weekly trips to the grocery store or walks outside where I pretend everything is okay by focusing on all the dead-ass trees that STILL have no leaves, not to mention no contact with my friends aside from sporadic video chats where we just yell “YOUR SOUND ISN’T WORKING” at each other for an hour… I’m supposed to deprive myself of ALL THE THINGS THAT DISTRACT ME FROM THIS HELL ON EARTH?!?!?

Yeah, Julia, we all know social media, and Netflix, and the WHOLE FUCKING INTERNET are distractions from tapping into our inner artist *cut away to a waify white girl wearing a flower crown flailing like a gas station balloon to the music at Osheaga,* but I NEED THEM RIGHT NOW, OKAY?? I am on day #… I’ve lost count… of being alone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. After my 2 hours of “creating,” what the hell am I supposed to do the rest of the day?! Stare out my window at all the happy couples going on walks with their screaming babies, and contemplate my obtuse loneliness? Listen to all the ambulances in the distance and flood my mind with visuals of BODY TRAILERS?!? Mmm yeah I’m gonna need to check the fuck out once in a while. You’ll have to write a new Covid edition of your book called The Artist’s Way: Watching The Great Canadian Baking Show Counts as Art when the Alternative is a Mental Breakdown.

I think if anything, I’ve been creating LESS during media deprivation week- I’ve just been finding way more inventive ways to procrastinate. For example, in my morning pages I’ve been going on and on about wanting to write sketch and learn how to edit video, develop some jazz improv chops on violin, and learn how to use all the electronic music equipment that came in the mail a week ago… What have I actually been doing? Well, this morning, I woke up, went back to bed for a bit, then dove STRAIGHT INTO MY COMPUTER looking for gluten-free dairy-free baking recipes (add that to the list of tragedies) and painstakingly adjusting my grocery list to include expensive-ass things like almond flour, coconut sugar and brown rice syrup. Then I looked up all my friends’ birthdays on facebook, and added them, one by one, into my phone’s calendar. Colour-coded. Very very important. So not only am I breaking the no media rule HARD, I’m not doing anything remotely close to my creative dreams. Well, I also made kimchi, Thai spring rolls, hummus, and salsa out of oven-roasted tomatoes; but yet… here I am finishing off a bag of Doritos. To be fair, my period is choosing the snacks. I have no say.

While eating the first half of said bag of Doritos last night, I did do something remotely creative… it’s not a solo show that combines electronic violin music and intricate storytelling that will win my future Pulitzer, or a polished sketch of me doing something hilarious in character; but it’s umm… something.

Enjoy your chips, friends.

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