I woke up at 5am this morning, and then couldn’t fall back to sleep because of a Meal Train. You know, those things that are started for someone going through a hard time- where people can sign up to bring over food every day for a set period of time, so this person can grieve or recover in peace, without having to worry about how to get food from a place and into their mouth. In my opinion, bringing someone food when they are down is the absolute nicest thing you could do for them. No vague “let me know if I can help” texts or intrusive phone calls to check in when maybe at that moment the person is downing their 2nd bottle of wine, with 5 minutes to go in the season finale of “Love is Blind Brazil.” Just real, tangible, NUTRIENTS. Feeding myself properly is the first thing to go when I so much as encounter tension in a relationship, I can’t even imagine how hard it would be in the event I lose someone I love, or can’t get out of bed.
That being said, this Meal Train is really stressing me the fuck out.
Like, I already have enough trouble feeding myself!! Getting myself to the grocery store once every 3 weeks with my little old-lady shopping dolly, picking out enough food to last until the next trip but will also fit in said dolly, hauling it home, unpacking it, and then COOKING THE THINGS on schedule before they rot is hard enough!! How am I supposed to cook food for not just another human, but their ENTIRE FAMILY?!? And then there’s the tupperware. I only have so much!! So I have to make a casserole for 6 people somehow, and then, what the crap do I put it in?!? Do I leave it in my one and only casserole dish?! “Sure I can come back and pick it up, but when?? Oh you’re freezing it to eat later?!?” And did I mention I am delivering this shit BY BIKE?? How does one transport a full 6-person casserole dish by bike?? Don’t get me wrong, I’d find a way, but it’d be the kindof thing people would stare at from their cars, kindof wishing they could follow me around town to witness the inevitable moment I drive into a pothole and the casserole goes crashing all over the pavement.
I tell myself that the kindof people who are meant to participate in Meal Trains are people who have families- people who are already USED to buying in bulk from Costco and bringing it home in their minivans to store in their 2nd fridge downstairs, and then cooking up enough food for 6 people every single night, like it’s nothing. “Oh, I’ll just make 2 casseroles instead of 1 tonight! And you know, while I’m at it, I’ll make cookies, and decorate each one with a special ‘Get Well’ message!!” That’s how I picture it going down. When in reality, I don’t think the difference between these people and me is that they have a car/2nd fridge/family, I think it’s that they are IN THE HABIT OF CARING FOR OTHER PEOPLE. I am a single, selfish fuck and I can’t FATHOM looking after someone else, let alone a whole family- so I’m thinking small. I’m thinking, “How could I make food for a whole family when I only have enough to feed myself until the next grocery trip??” The minivan person is thinking, “Holy crap this person is going through something really tough, and can’t take care of themselves let alone a whole family… I don’t care if it takes an extra couple of hours, I’m going to help them out.”
So… I think I’ll make a Greek salad.