Hey. I Love You.

As it turns out, writing a blog post every single day is definitely not sustainable—not in my world, not right now as I’m trying to work up my millionth violin audition for the Montreal Symphony—even if I tell myself each post can just be whatever I barf out in 30 minutes. Because what actually happens, is that by the time I start writing, I enjoy myself so much that I don’t want to stop until I have honored whatever it is that I’m writing about—until it feels like I have fully hashed out the topic, rendered the circus that is my thoughts onto the page, peppered it with swear words, reached some kindof deep spiritual epiphany, and solved world hunger. Aka, 1.5 hours later and oops it’s lunch!

Before starting this little experiment where I posted every day, I wrote a disclaimer on social media, stating that I would henceforth be posting shittier, shorter posts daily, and that if anybody would like to catch them to please subscribe, because I will NOT be that person who spams all the things every single day with my newest creation OH LOOK HOW AMAZING AND PROLIFIC I AM ANOTHER BLOG POST!!! Two new people subscribed, bless them.

Ordinarily, I post… *looks at archives* Oh God I posted TWICE in 2021 pre-experiment. So yeah, you bet I slapped those onto Facebook (or, should I say, Meta now?!?!) to make sure they got read. When I link to my posts on social media, I’ll get maybe 80 readers, or sometimes upwards of 140 if I’ve chosen a punchy title like “Single, Again” and accidentally post during “peak traffic hours.” I know one is supposed to plan these things out for optimum engagement, but fuck I can’t help it if the second I write a post, I just wanna get it out into the world! If I wait, I’ll surely keep editing it into oblivion, or change my mind and just never publish it. I have 13 rants drafts saved in the bowels of this website that will probably never have the opportunity, like all my published posts, to come back and bite me in the ass 10 years from now when I’m running for city council or trying to seduce a Mormon.

So this week, as I published triple, nay QUADRUPLE the amount of posts I have the rest of the year combined, refraining from sharing them to social media even though it’s honestly some of my best work… I was getting EIGHT PEOPLE reading. I know that shouldn’t matter, and every blogger needs to be patient when trying to build a following, and blah blah blah but I AM POURING MY HEART AND SOUL OUT into these posts, and barely anybody is reading them! That doesn’t feel so amazing!

It’s not JUST that I’m a whiny artist that needs constant validation; it’s that when I write, I want to help make the world just a tiny bit better of a place. I want to make people laugh and feel less alone in this fucked up society we have created. This illusion of a world where we all feel like we have to pretend everything is fine and we’re always happy. Where we never have dark thoughts about our cats or neighbors or loved ones and we never change our minds and we never look at our friends’ perfect marriages on social media and wonder why we still haven’t found our person. Where we never shit into a plastic grocery bag when our toilets break. WE HAVE ALL SHIT IN STRANGE AND UNUSUAL PLACES.

This week, when I was posting every day, I felt more like myself than I have in ages. Because I think… my life purpose is somehow linked to this blog. When I write and share it with the world, it is my way of saying “Hey. See? I’m fucked up, you’re fucked up, we’re all fucked up. Everyone who is not talking about how they’re constantly fucking up is a big, fucking faker. I see you just as you are, and accept you completely.”

This, in other words, is “I love you.”

So sue me if it’s wrong to want more than eight people to receive this message. From now on, I think I will link most of my posts to social media, but in order to do that without disgusting myself, I need to post less. Not twice-a-year-less, but let’s say, twice a week. Tuesdays and Fridays? Or maybe once a week? Wednesdays? I’ll figure it out. Just don’t hold me to it, because I will totally change my mind.

5 thoughts on “Hey. I Love You.

  1. Lady, you’re singing my song! I’ve loved reading your daily posts, but if you need to cut back, so be it. I’m trying to commit to thrice-weekly posts, and since I’m retired, it should be doable. But, I’m not going to crucify myself, either, if I disappoint my eight readers.

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  2. I don’t think that there is ANYTHING wrong with wanting people to read your work. And your work really is so great that they’re going to. But these things also take more than a couple of weeks to grow. The way to get people reading is, yes, to post links to social media, to do your best to get the word out there, but even MORE important to keep writing well and often. So happy to be in your audience.

    Like

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