Tag: anxiety

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Auditions, Career, Coaching, Fears

Ice, Grief, and a Crippling Fear of Financial Insecurity

Ever since I decided to take the audition, I’ve been having recurring nightmares. Can’t find my violin 2 minutes before a concert where I’ve been hired to play 1st and 2nd violin simultaneously; showing up to the audition and realizing I’ve forgotten to actually practice for it; and just a general sense of being places I don’t really wanna be, around people (or in one … Continue reading Ice, Grief, and a Crippling Fear of Financial Insecurity

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Auditions, Coaching, Mental Health, Music

The Trouble With Auditions, part 2

Last week, I was in the middle of a warm, luxurious writing session at my boyfriend’s place in the Vermont countryside, when I got a call from my mom. “Are you going to take the audition?” Her question crept into my neck and shoulders like the first winter freeze, tightening everything that was soft just a moment ago. Are!You!Going!To!Take!The!AUDITION????? Every word an air-borne brick, assaulting … Continue reading The Trouble With Auditions, part 2

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Mental Health

An Extremely Low Tolerance for Bullshit

I’m not depressed. I don’t have PMDD. I don’t have hypo-thyroidism. HypER-thyroidism?!! Google the symptoms. Do YOU have hypo-thyroidism?? Are you feeling tired, depressed, sensitive to cold, ConSTiPATED?!?!?!? *waits as you squeeze out a turd so tiny it doesn’t disrupt the toilet water* Ah, you probably don’t have it. Apparently 75% of the people going into my doctor with the above symptoms in the last … Continue reading An Extremely Low Tolerance for Bullshit

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Mental Health

To Pill, or Not to Pill

“How do you know when it’s time to go on antidepressants?” I found myself typing into google the other day. I’ve been hearing about people going on them more and more—dear friends, partners of friends, “half my mom’s orchestra,” and pretty much every one of my pandemic podcast mentors: Sarah Silverman, Glennon Doyle; Martha Beck and her Partner Rowan Mangan in their AMAZING podcast “Bewildered.” … Continue reading To Pill, or Not to Pill

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Mental Health

The Real Reason We Are All Exhausted

The last few weeks, I have been locked away in my freezing cold apartment, “working on my creative projects.” Aka, feeling significantly depressed and doing anything and everything I could, to AVOID said project. I was supposed to be doing a creative residency at the Banff Centre for the Arts this month, to write the music for my first solo show: “You’re Not Alone: Music … Continue reading The Real Reason We Are All Exhausted

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Auditions, Music

The Final Stretch

I am at that point in my audition prep where I’m in a terrifying race against my body—trying to squeeze in enough osteo and massage therapy and physio appointments; and ingesting enough teas and…calming medicinal substances…to off-set the hours of practice that are making my left-shoulder hang stubbornly 5 inches lower than my right; my ring and pinkie fingers on both hands go completely numb, … Continue reading The Final Stretch

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Mental Health

I Hate Everything (one week a month)

I know it’s the week before my period when my favourite thing on earth—my beloved over-sized 3-year old kitten, George Michael, annoys the ABSOLUTE CRAP out of me. Unfortunately for him, the sound the creaky floorboards make in my new-old house as he innocently walks on them sounds just like the sound my couch makes when he is very deliberately destroying it. “STOP IT, GEORGE! … Continue reading I Hate Everything (one week a month)

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